Week 2~Dec 26

So level 2 turned out to be a bit frustrating and it wasn't really anyones fault. The husband started doing his program but due to the servers having problems he had to restart a few times and then couldn't finish a few of the modules due to the servers having to rest. I'm sure due to the holidays that was the problem. Also we did find out the hard way that there was no peer to peer chat yesterday either due to the holiday so that was kind of frustrating for the husband since he really felt the need to connect to someone due to the holiday stress. But once again due to the holidays its completely understandable.

Level 2 is discusses how to build the skills to identify and manage negative thoughts/feelings in his life and how to manage them better. It once again included the interactive video and the husband seems to like that due the fact that he is involved with the program its just not some video telling him to how to fix things it actually helps him figure it out and gives him a chance to be directly involved with the solution. But once again due to the holiday he didn't get to finish level 2 yet so that is what he'll be doing today.

We are still very impressed with the amount of information that his program has. The good thing is each program is geared towards each individual and not just lumping everyone into one group since each PTSD case is different, each experiance is different from soldier to soldier so that is a huge help. It makes my husband feel like this is HIS program and its meant to help him. Not try to fit him into a round hole when he's a square peg so to speak. He is actually looking forward to working on each level weekly and with the weekly reminders he knows what day he has to work on it and so forth. And once again the option to be able to put the laptop down and walk away if he needs that small break is there for him.

So hopefully today he can finish this level, connect with a peer coach and to start applying what he's learned this week into real life.

Here is the link to the Vets Prevail website.

https://www.vetsprevail.org/

Twas the Night before Christmas

A friend shared this...so I figured I'd post it. Hope everyone had an amazing Christmas!

T'was the night before christmas, and all through the FOB
Not a creature was stirring, not even a working dog.
All but the night's guards were asleep in their CHUs
Dreaming of ETSing and no more ACUs.

When suddenly above the peaks, a roving guard did see
a bright red light that filled his heart with glee.
for he knew the red beacon belonged to a nose
of Rudolph who led Santa to visit the Joes.

The guard called the TOC, to pass on his sighting
Of Santa's visit in the midst of all the fighting.
Grunts and POGs arose from their slumber
To give Jolly Saint Nick a greeting by the numbers.

But suddenly another flash lit up the night.
A rocket from insurgents in search of a fight.
For the Taliban knew not the joy of the season
And sought to cause chaos without logic or reason

Their rocket flew true, and struck the red sleigh
A cowardly attack for which they'd soon pay.
Santa and his reindeer crashed on a high slope
The landing was hard, but the troops held out hope

The whole base was now on high alert.
Everyone hoped Santa hadn't been hurt.
QRF deployed, to retaliate with haste
And to the crash site, the SAR birds did race

presents lay strewn about the crash scene
but Santa and his reindeer were nowhere to be seen
Over hill and dale, the soldiers did look
Inside every cave, cranny, and nook

After an hour of searching, the troops thought with distress
Santa had been captured, the night was a Taliban success
But the troops didn't give up their perilous mission
They would not rest until they found Santa's position

For every troop saw Santa as one of their own
And they wouldn't rest until they brought the man home.
When finally word came as a red signal flare
And every troop knew Santa was in despair

From the Eleven Bravos, salty as dogs
To the Forty Two Alphas stuck at the FOB
To the Sixty Eight Whiskeys, aid bags in hand
To the Ninety Nine Zulus, hidden in the sand

And the Eighty Eight Mikes, Thirty Five Mikes and Foxes
And the Ninety Two Yankees with their stacks of boxes
The Thirty One Bravos, Thirteen Deltas too.
Soldiers of all MOSes knew just what to do.

They loaded up their MRAPs and M-ATVs
And spun up the Blackhawks, Chinooks and 64D's
The whole Brigade pushed up the hill
Powered by a sheer force of will

When finally they reached Santa's location
And laid down cover fire for his evacuation
They loaded the man on a CASEVAC chopper
and gave the Taliban an ass whoopin' good and proper

Before dawn it was clear the battle was won
The surviving enemy had decided to run
Santa survived the night with nary a scratch
The troops joked that he too earned a combat patch

He chuckled with joy as he boarded a new sleigh
Then somberly said "Soldiers, I must be on my way"
"Like all of you, I have to put mission first,
Even after this night that was surely my worst,

"But what I do can't hold a candle to yours,
For I've never been deployed on multiple tours,
And I'm only away from Mrs. Claus for one night,
And I don't wake up every day expecting a fight,

"And I know your job is hard, tiring and tough,
And the conditions you live in to be truly rough,
And so for Christmas, I bring a special gift,
That should ensure your vict'ry to be swift."

And with those words, he departed the base,
With many FOBs to go, he picked up the pace.
The soldiers gathered 'round the small present, bewildered.
And wondered what advantage Santa Claus had delivered.

The base commander unwrapped the package with care
And then for a moment, the General simply stood there
For the package contained an old parchment scroll
That the officer carefully began to unroll.

He read for a moment, mumbling aloud.
Then he turned to his forces, whom had formed a crowd.
"Merry Christmas, Soldiers," he said with scroll in hand,
"I'm holding the Naughty list for all of Afghanistan!"

Week One is done...

So as many of y'all know the husband started the Vets Prevail program. Well today was the 1st lesson and all in all it went well..its kind of nice being able to do this from the comfort of our home and in a safe environment where there is no real pressure on him. If he feels the need to get up and walk around or even leave and come back to the lesson he can do that.

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by how well put together it was and how there is always Peer Support available which is great so my husband can connect with other Vets who have gone through the same things as him. He actually got on the chat and talked with someone for a good 20 mins which is something he wouldn't normally do, so that was a great sign.

I have to recommend though that when you do your lessons that you do it in a somewhere quiet location so you can really focus on the videos and aren't distracted. Also its a great resource for the spouses/caregivers to be involved with because we can use some of the lessons they are talking about..

The husband says the page has a lot of information..and he likes the fact that you can set goals and it will help you keep them. And you can schedule each lesson to work with your schedule...he also likes the fact they send reminder texts for those guys that have memory issues (like him) and he did enjoy the chat part of the page.

Here is their link...we both highly recommend it to anyone who is a Vet.

http://www.vetsprevail.org/

Where do I fit in?

Have you ever felt that there is no place for you in the world? Like you just don't fit in anywhere...I've been feeling that way for years. Where do I fit in with society, which my family and even my friends.

I hate the looks of pity I get from people when they find out that the husband is injured and the looks I get when they find out he has PTSD. It seems that PTSD has made me out of place with everyone. If he was missing a limb it would be different we wouldn't be given those looks or comments because then that justifies to people that he was injured and there for its understandable for him to have PTSD or even depression. Now let me say that I would never ever wish bodily harm on anyone, we know guys that have lost limbs and they are amazing men who have overcome their losses and keep improving themselves and the world around them.

Somehow PTSD has defined who we are...how we live our lives and how we interact with people. PTSD has made me question my own self worth because I don't feel like I fit in anywhere..I can't just pick up and go somewhere for a few hours without worrying and making sure that everything back home is fine..I can't feel like its OK to enjoy some down time because I worry and then usually something does happen..so the people I once considered friends have long since abandoned me and the few people that have stuck with through this have a hard time understanding my life at times and I don't blame them.

I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror anymore..she is a shell of a person that has long been gone, this person I see now is consumed by PTSD and the effects it has on not only herself but her entire family. I really hate that I don't belong anywhere...and I don't fit in with society and the normalcy of life...

Something new...

So this week has been both a bit of stress and excitement. The husband is going to be starting a new program online through the Vets Prevail page and I'm super excited about it but kind of nervous.This program is a free program that will help with reintegration and resilience for both Veterans and soldiers. After 2 hospitalizations and countless meds and hours of therapy we get to that point where we're hitting that brick wall again and the backward spiral happens again. I will be blogging weekly about his progress and our thoughts and opinions. We are hopeful that with this under his belt he can have new options in case his PTSD levels get back to a higher level...I do know that Vets Prevail has a lot of wonderful options for our returning vets and veterans from other conflicts. And we're both open to try something to help him..and hopefully with his experience we can help another soldier or family feel like they're not alone on this road...we have felt alone and have had to reach out for help and now we can be that help for another soul. Just remember that you are not alone out there..there are so many of us going through the same battles and we need to stick together and support both the soldier and the family.

Here is the Vets Prevail website...please share it with a Veteran or soldier

http://www.vetsprevail.org/

Living with PTSD

I had to repost this...please read and share

"WHAT WE'D LIKE FAMILY & FRIENDS TO KNOW ABOUT LIVING WITH PTSD"

-Remember that my war experiences changed me. Having PTSD was not my choice, but I have to live with it.

-PTSD is real. I'm not stupid, crazy, or "faking it".

-Realize that going to crowded or noisy places makes me uncomfortable.

-Don't get upset with me when I can't remember something. My memory problem is real.
 
-Don't take it personally or think I am mad at YOU when I might explode or am short with you, or when I get quiet or confused. Be patient with me, it does not mean that I don't love you.
 
-I care about you, I do not want to hurt or harm those that I love. If I am threatening or out of control, it might be best to just leave me alone until I can calm down.
 
-Please respect my need for quiet. It is important to me.
 
-Realize that I have unpredictable highs and lows- good and bad days. And you do too.
 
-I need you to understand that holidays and "anniversaries" are tough times for me.
 
-I feel overwhelmed when you ask me a lot of questions. I will talk to you when I can.
 
-I may never share certain details with you because you have no way of truly understanding everything that happened. Respect that.

I feel random

WOW! Who ever said "God only gives you as much as he thinks you can handle" needs to be slapped...ok not really but I'm so tired of hearing that...when does enough get to be enough? We scratch and claw our way to make a slightly normal life..and it still doesn't work. What the hell?? Can we get a break for at least the holidays???

We got our application submitted for the Federal Recovery Coordinator program because husband's case manager not doing his job...really how hard is it to call and set up referral information and manage to make sure he gets his meds..apparently pretty freakin hard.

I'm not ready for Christmas...usually by now my house is a giant Christmas tree exploded in a million pieces. Not this year...I'm so burnt out from the past few months that its just not happening this year. I got the tree up and some decorations but thats about it. I need a few elves to help me get stuff done that feel the holiday spirit I think its just left our house...

I think that if things had been simple we'd all be less stressed out but it hasn't and I highly doubt it will be..if you can't tell I'm slightly less postive then usual..I have no motivation to do anything..my fight has left my body today and I don't know where to find it. Everytime I turn around its another brick wall that I have to scale and fight so we can get things done..and I'm just tired of fighting.
I've hit that offical "I don't care" phase of the MEB/WTB stupidity and hope someone can help...

*sigh*...if someone has a few million dollars laying around and feel the need to send it to me let me know..*smile* that might help a bit

Living In Limbo

Since we moved back home to Ga things have been in a stuck position with the Army...its been 1 month and 21 days since we moved back home..its been 3 weeks since the husband requested a referral for a different physc doc...which got approved shortly after the doctor he wanted to see stopped taking TriCare and new patients...so back to the waiting game we go...I'm sure it'll be another 3 weeks til he gets his referral approved...this remote care seems to be a bigger stress then staying on Ft Riley...why you ask...

Lets see on Ft Riley we were able to MAKE his appts...not wait for some case manager to get off their behind..ohh they sit at at desk on the phone...to call Tricare to set up the referral..what the hell good is it to have 2 case managers working for you if neither one of them do their jobs?? Or if 1 is trying the other one just blows you off...I'm sorry you're butt is getting paid A LOT of money to make sure that my husband gets his appts, his meds and anything else he needs..that is YOUR JOB! Instead of berating the soldier because he informed you 4 weeks ago about shit and you're just now taking care of it..its not his fault you can't seem to be bothered...

I swear this is turning into a daily battle...either by email or phone call. And no one can seem to figure out what they're doing..instead we get a constant reminder that "Remote care if a privilege". Well hell so is having a job but yet we don't see you getting threatened to have your job taken away..I'm so fed up with the system and the stupidity of the people that work for the system..how hard is it to let the soldier make their own appt, call it in to you as the case manager and you track it from the doctor??? Common sense does not exist in the Army.

Ugh...so its another Monday and the battle starts again...10 mins til 9am Ft Riley time and I'm already getting the phone warmed up for the battle...wish me luck and pray for those who get in my way....

How do you Heal..

How do you heal from an injury you can't see...everyday I ask myself that question and everyday its hard to figure out the answer..my husband was injured. You can't see his wounds but they are there. He has memory loss, he has anxiety attacks, he has severe/chronic PTSD and a mTBI..along with other problems but you can't see them..he's not faking, or trying to get the system to pay him for his "injuries".

I've seen the faces of Invisible injuries..I've seen the effect both personally and from others and its not pleasant. Everyday I read the news and articles about trying to get people to accept that PTSD, TBI's and other injuries involving the brain are real...and everyday I see the nasty posts/comments from people that are either to ignorant to understand or just don't care.

We fight a battle everyday hoping that people will understand that that isn't something they can "just get over"...they were/are injured. And if you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there...

Thankful

We're in the month of November already..and its half way done. There is a movement on Facebook people are posting daily what they're "Thankful" for each day..

I've learned through the battle with PTSD, mTBI and the Army to be thankful for the small things in life...the way the sun feels on my face, the smile on someone's face when you help them...the smell of fresh cut grass. There are so many things to be thankful for each day. But the biggest thing for me to thankful is my family & my husband...they are my life and soul. We struggle everyday to have our life..to be in a better place and yes it is a struggle but its something that makes us realize just how blessed we are...we have each other. We have the support of our families and friends...and even at the worst times I can look at those facts and be thankful for everything that has happened in my and our lives.

Veterans Day 2011

Today is a day that is meant to reflect and thank a veteran for the sacrifices they have made so we as US citizens can enjoy freedom, the rights that we hold so dear and the opportunity to be a great nation.

Through out the years, the wars and conflicts there have always been people that seem to take those rights for granted and those people make this day a bit of a stretch at times. You may not support the conflict/war but at least support the soldiers...they are risking their lives to make sure you have this chance to protest, to scream at them and call them names.

The World War 2 generation was called the Greatest Generation and while they have earned that title..I believe that each generation of Vets is the greatest of their generation.They are great because they go out and defend this country.

I am so very proud of my family and the service they have done...from a grandfather who was in the Marines during the Korean War...to my dad who did several tours in Vietnam...to my brothers and sister who all deployed in the 90's to my wonderful husband, 2 tours in Iraq and 1 tour to Africa..they along with thousands of soldiers risked their lives for freedom..the safety of millions of others. They along with their families are the greatest of their generation.

Thank a Vet not only today but everyday!

Makes me think...

So on our fabulous trip from Kansas to Georgia I was in one vehicle with 2 danes, 2 cats and a grouchy teenage girl and husband was driving the Uhaul with a lab as his driving buddy while towing his truck.

The trip was going good til...we made it to a small gas station in Northern Georgia..and husband had problems with the debit card and couldn't get it to work..so he wasn't happy about it and started to have a melt down. I got him calmed down and had him go wait by the Uhaul while I got the gas paid for..there was a woman standing behind me and she made some comments about how my husband was acting like a total jerk and some other things. Well it took everything I had not to rip her head off..then it hit me we are in a whole different world, away from the Army and people that know about PTSD so I calmly explained to her that my husband was injured and has severe/chronic PTSD along with a mTBI and that he can't always control himself and that we have been driving for 2 days already. Everyday our civilian counterparts hear about PTSD, TBI's and other injuries but they really don't understand them, because its something they are not exposed to as much as those of us that are around the military daily.

I don't want my husband to be veiwed as the "weird guy" on the street and I want people to understand that while he has PTSD he is still a wonderful guy...he tries to keep it all together and for the most part he does but like any injury there are residual effects...he can't handle crowds, he can't handle people looking at him, he can't handle loud noises(fireworks, cars backfiring and so forth), he can't be alone for long periods of times because he's impulsive and can't control his actions...and so forth. It's not my husband its a horrible injury that makes him this way...and all soldiers & civilians with PTSD are people..they are living, breathing people who feel pain when they are judged. They feel everything and to be judged and treated like garbage because of this injury is wrong...just because you can't see an injury doesn't mean its not there and just because you can't see the damage PTSD does doesn't mean its not there..I've seen first hand the damages of PTSD. Please don't judge to harshly when you hear someone has PTSD..you never know when you could be facing this injury..

Grrr...and the battle continues

So we are all moved down here and enjoying our wonderful new home...which is amazing!

Buuuuut...and yes there is a but...husband is still assigned to the WTB at Ft Riley and has to have them do his referrals for his doctor appts which means they can sit on their behinds for days before he gets his referral's approved..really??? So its ok for him to be without his meds for over 2 weeks because you can't be bothered to make the referrals...we've talked to his Tricare case manager and she can't do anything because once again everything has to be done by his WTB case manager...what the hell good is it to have 2 case managers, a plt sgt, a 1st sgt and everyone else with their hands in the jar if no one can get shit done??

Lets make it simple...we've always made husband's appts why not let us do it now..call tricare with the information and go on our merry way! Husband has to scan and email a paper weekly with his appts weekly to his plt sgt so its being tracked but once again that would make life simple! I know simple is not a word the military knows...I think people just get paid to sit around and think about ways to make life difficult for people especially our disabled vets.

So once again we battle to get things done...kind of getting burnt out from all the fighting. I wish somedays I could throw up my hands and say I quit but I don't and we still fight! Hopefully someday someone will see this and realize that life for a wounded warrior and his/her family isn't easy..that we don't get things handed to us and that we have to fight everyday for what they need and deserve! Til then we keep fighting, struggling and kicking all the way through this life...

Please let tomorrow be good....

So tomorrow is another Monday for our household and millions of others...and just like those millions of others I hope that it starts out on a good night...we are re-trying husband physc doc tomorrow since he didn't show up to the appt his office manager had schedule for him..gee thanks doc for bailing on your patient great 1st impression..then the following week we meet with husband's new PCM...

Mondays in our house never seem to be normal or even quiet..but with 2 teenagers, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 1 wounded warrior and me to try to keep everything running who can say it's ever dull...which is far from being. Our week usually starts off with some issue of meds, appts, teenage drama or just something beyond our control..which in this week will be the same...good thing I love my family :-)

I'm a Slacker...

Hi! My name is Heather and I can admit it...I've been slacking! Between getting husband's remote care plan squared away, getting into a accident( some dork did a uturn into my Tahoe because he "didn't see me")packing, moving and setting up our new house things just seem to fall to the side.

I think as things slow down life is getting back to normal..none of us like change and when you have someone that has PTSD it makes it more interesting. The move was intersting to say the least...picture a 20 ft Uhaul with a vehicle trailer attached with a dodge ram being driven by a crazy person(hee hee) ok not totally crazy, he did have TInkerbell the lab with him but apparently she slept almost the entire 2 day trek. Now lets go back to the vehicle following the Uhaul...with 2 Great Danes, 2 cats and a grouchy teenager who didn't want to move...good times I tell ya. I think the last 100 miles we kept texting about how many miles we had left til we got to our house :-)

Our rotten critters on the drive home...

Now we've been in our home for just over a week and we've discovered our cellphone signal sucks...it seems to be raining almost every other day and we need a fence desperately. But we love it...because we own our house and this is our 1st house, not Army housing which thanks to 3 amazing women we have our house but it was pretty stressful the last 24hrs before closing...

Husband starts today with a new doctor for his PTSD hopefully this guy is good and doesn't make the issues worse...yesterday was bad his office manager called they didn't receive the referral from Tricare..Tricare said they sent it and of course they're all talking to the husband who was getting aggervated to say the least..awwww the joys!

Ohhhh well I can't and won't complain since the husband is here with us, we're all healthy, happy and enjoying the house and the area which is wonderfully quiet..

Here are pics of the house...

Goodness...

My gosh...I just realized I haven't written in almost a month and what a month!

Our greatest news is we're buying a HOUSE!!! YEAH! Super excited about that aspect of our life and super happy about being able to paint and decorate our very own house. No more housing! We're all so excited and we close in a couple of weeks...I can't believe how much life is changing...things are getting better somedays and somedays not so much. But really I can't change anything or would I want to change anything.

We met with the neurosurgeon yesterday and grrrr....that's a whole mess in itself. Since once again we get a whole other diagnoises with what is going on with the husband's back and I have a feeling we're gonna have to fight this one til the very end. I'm just ready to kick someone's butt and be done with it...I just don't get or see how 5 people can see 5 different things wrong with his back. I mean really...and not 1 person can agree with anyone else, they're right and everyone else is wrong. This one leaves me and the husband scratching our heads...so I'm assuming he's off to pt again.


Kristi Anne is a Jr this year and is already loving her teachers and her classes which is wonderful. Hopefully this year the husband might actually get to see her march in a football game with some logistical movement so we can get him away from the crowds.

Life as we know it is getting a bit better...sometimes it doesn't feel like we're fighting against this huge blackness. Sometimes not so much...PTSD has been winning a lot more lately here in our house due to the stress and aggervation which sucks because I hate when it does. She seems to have a pretty good hold 95% of the time on my husband and ugh the fight she puts up to keep him under her control is pretty rough. The 5% that I do have my husband is wonderful...just wish sometimes it was more than that, but I will take what I can and just keep on fighting.

We'll win not just a battle here and there...we will win the war. Or die trying damn it!

The Fear of the Unknown

This has been a pretty long few weeks...we all face the unknown everyday and I guess its all about how we look into that unknown that shapes our lives...somedays the fear of not knowing whats coming around the corner is pretty scary. Between my oldest going to another state to work and live and not being able to protect him from the world to my daughter going to California for a week without me and me not being able to make sure she takes her phone, watches out for weirdos and all the other mom of teenage girl fears...

Plus as the time moves closer to John's packet being reviewed and sent out to some nameless, faceless strangers my nerves are getting the better of me...it seems we've been fighting to get him here and now the thought of people that don't even know us..or our daily struggles will decide how much money he "deserves"...

The stress and worry about how we'll make it through life is been slowly getting to me...how are we gonna afford a house payment...food...bills...and everything else...I worry about John finding his way in a civilian life that has idea how the life of an injured soldier works...I worry about how the stigma of PTSD will effect him everyday and how people will react towards him when he has a bad day...how do I protect him from the world?

The unknown factors of life is a killer...and the fact that I have no control of our life right now is kicking my ass.

A safe place

I think we all have that one special place that we can go to just to feel better...either in our mind or in a physical place. And its just a place that we don't have to share with anyone if we don't want to...

I have several places that are my safe spots...a few of them are on line and the other is a physical place here on post. When ever I'm stressed or upset I head straight to the outdoor chapel...just to sit up there and to see just how beautiful life can be. Up there you can see for at least a mile in either direction you can see the woods, the Flint Hills and the beauty of the world. I go up there to be reminded that life is beautiful and that through everything life goes on. I know through each step of life there are going to be moments when I needed to be reminded that there are going to be storms and events that I can't change or stop but to see the natural beauty of this world is a reminded that we all have our battles to deal with.

I know that having gone through what we've gone through has made a profound effect on who we are as people...some good and sometimes not so good. I have turned more cynical with the military and the process that is used to "help" soldiers and I have been able to rely on people more when I need help especially when I know I can't do it alone.

I know there is a plan for us...just don't know what it is right now and I'm sure I won't know for awhile...everyonce in awhile a glimps would be nice but I guess I won't push my luck.

June 27th...

While that date doesn't mark a huge calender change..or a major holiday where people can get out of work, get presents or have a huge parade. It does mark a change in how people see PTSD and the stigma attached to it. Hopefully this small change will start a social epidemic and will help people change their minds and see that while you can't see the damage of PTSD there are wounds that never heal...they never go away! They are there in some form or another...I know I'm bit late writing this..on June 27th 2011 one of our WTB soldiers was found dead...


The US Congress has declared June 27, 2011 National PTSD Awareness Day..
•2.4% of personnel returning from deployment to the Afghanistan or Iraq war are clinically diagnosed with PTSD;
•17% of Afghanistan and Iraq war veterans exposed to sustained ground combat report symptoms of PTSD;
•PTSD is or has been experienced by 10% of Gulf War veterans and 30% of Vietnam veterans.


Everyday people fight to get help...everyday those people are ignored. What most people that are there to "help" fail to realize is that those people aren't just random numbers in the system..they have names, they have identities..they are Sons, Fathers, Husbands, Mothers, Daughters, Wives and most importantly they are human beings who have gone through something so profound that it has changed them mentally and physically. There has been study after study suggesting that the brain does change due to PTSD. This isn't a fake illness to get out of a deployment or a quick way to get out of the military and collect benefits. 

Everyday there is a vet out in the world feeling like no one understands them...everyday there is a vet who is contemplating suicide..in the month of May our suicide rate went up with 21 potential suicides and 1 confirmed the others are pending investigation(this is only the Active duty side of the Military)...each month the rate is going higher..when do we stop it? When do we help these men and women? If you see someone or know someone that is showing the signs of PTSD please step in help them! Don't let them be another statistic for the Military...


Signs of PTSD:

1. Re-experiencing the traumatic event
2. Avoiding reminders of the trauma
3. Increased anxiety and emotional arousal
4. Anger and irritabilty
5. Guilt, shame, or self-blame
6. Substance abuse
7. Feelings of mistrust and betrayal
8. Depression and hopelessness
9. Suicidial thoughts and feelings
10. Feeling alienated
11. Physical aches and pains
12. Implusive behavior

Down the Rabbit Hole...

Last night before I went to sleep I was just laying in bed with John...and I got to thinking what the best phrase was to sum up my life...and then I remembered the scene in Alice in Wonderland where she was looking for the White Rabbit and she fell down the Rabbit Hole...and then she's in Wonderland. Wonderland for me is the WTB and the MEB process.

That's my life...I've followed my husband from Ga to Ft Riley Ks...through 2 deployments and everything else...and now with everything going on in our lives now it feels like we're just falling...we see random pieces of our lives floating by us and other random things that just doesn't make any sense..hopefully one day soon we'll land back in the real world..til then we're wandering around "Wonderland"..we've had to adapt our lives and who we are to struggle through this new life and we've had to learn our way around a new part of the Army.

Wonderland in the Army as I've discovered is a completely different way of  life..you have to learn to maneuver this life and deal with more unusual people that if you look at them they could be translated into characters...I've decided that the MEB board people themselves are the Queen of Hearts and they sit in their little room looking at peoples stuff and saying "Off with their heads" when they decide that someone is injured enough to get a better rating..my husband is the Mad Hatter for obvious reasons...most of the staff from the WTB kind of remind me of Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb since they seem to repeat themselves over and over and copy what everyone else is doing..just picture about 50 people running around in stripped shirts and shorts with knee socks..pretty humorous. 

The Army is the Jabberwocky ~Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!" The Army has her claws in my husband til whenever so we have to be careful of this beast...and hopefully one day he can pick up the vorpal sword and slay the beast til then we hide and avoid it..

How do you do it??

I've heard that statement many times in the past few years...some people don't believe that I'm still staying with my husband through his drinking..his anger..his ups and downs.

Its pretty simple...I LOVE my husband. Through the hell of deployments, field time and the diagnoses of PTSD, mTBI and his back injury...I couldn't love anyone else as much as I love him.

Somedays it would be easier to run away and not look back...and sometimes I just want to run away. But in the end there is love..love keeps me here day after day..love is what keeps me with him by his side.

Love is not a choice..and I love my crazy husband.

Week 3001...

Ok not really it just feels like its taking that long already, yet another fun filled week of appts and driving. Some days I really like I'm just the taxi driver.
Maybe I should put one of those meters in my tahoe and charge John and Kristi for my driving them all over the place...I might actually bank(wishful thinking)

So anyways, this weekend was Fathers Day weekend and it was a pretty quiet weekend here in our house..spent alot of time trying to clean and do other stuff..I know the excitement of my life is beyond words LOL. But hey thats kind of how I "roll"...vaccum cleaner in one hand and car keys in the other :-)..John got his traditional Fathers Day dinner..shrimp,crab, corn on the cob and potatoes and of course strawberry shortcake yum!

We also heard some sad news though Ft Riley has lost 6 soldiers total during this latest deployment to Iraq...this is the most lives lost in several years from this post. It makes me so mad that all those lives were lost in a senseless attack...what did they lose their lives for? Its gotten to the point where the whole meaning/beginning of this war has been lost...our troops go over to Iraq for what reason now...?!? Its just aggervating to know that this generation of military kids are growing up in a world that has only known violance, deployments and sometimes death in their short lives..

All I can say is being in this lifestyle it teaches you to appericate what you have and live for tomorrow because its not always guaranteed...

Judge Me..

Hi there...my name is Heather. I've been married 3 times, the 1st 2 husbands were not the right men for me and I realized that...but I have some amazing children that came from those marriages and I love my children with my heart and soul...I'm not perfect and I've never claimed to be...so here is your chance to judge me.

I've done stupid things..I've hurt people and I've runaway from problems when I didn't want to deal with them...about 8yrs ago I met my now husband and I learned a lot about love and life...sacrifice and pain and in the end I wouldn't change my life, my mistakes, or anything because its made me who I am..


My husband of almost 7yrs now is a disabled OIF/OEF veteran, he suffers from Severe/Chronic PTSD, mTBI and back injuries...but we make it through each day and we lean on each other for support...we have our ups and downs like most couples do but when you add the disabilities its even more...but I love him more then life itself...

Life has thrown us some huge curve balls in the past 8yrs and somehow we've managed to get through them..together. If someone had told me when I was 16yrs old all the ups and downs and dumb mistakes I was gonna make I would laughed in their face...and again if someone had told me 4yrs ago my husband would be injured and we'd be facing what we're facing now I would laughed...

I admit it I've done my fair share of stupid things and I can't fix them...but here's something I've learned thanks to my own stupidity...Embrace your mistakes, they are what has made you...You.

So feel free to judge me..I don't care anymore because until you've walked in my shoes and lived my life you have no room to judge...and as my mom always says "As you point one finger at someone, you have 3 pointing back you"..in other words you can accuse and blame someone for shit that's wrong but you need to accept part of the accusation and blame and you are not perfect...

The Songs of Our life...

Someday the stress of life is to much...and I my rhapsody play list of cheesy feel good songs that I remember listening to when I was growing up..everything from Walking on Sunshine to We got the Beat...is my life saver. In between running around for John's appts and FRG stuff and Kristi's stuff I know I can plug in my phone to the stereo and listen to those songs with the volume turned up and the windows rolled down and feel like I can relax..

I highly recommend that everyone sit down and get a play list put together for days when all hell breaks loose and you need that moment to crank up the volume and roll the windows down in your vehicle and just drive...

And remember to Walk the Dinosaur... :-)

Phew..what a time...

Somedays I sit here and wonder if there is some little troll sitting at a desk up in some little room wondering who it can mess with...I guess it likes us and our family...well things aren't actually to bad lately..just when we get a step foward we get pushed by 2...but we keep on fighting...

John Update~

John had another mri and it's showing his spine is getting worse...so thats a stress for us..since the options we have for him is surgical or meds...so now we need to figure out what to do to help him manage his pain and figure out what the best option for him is gonna be.

The MEB process is a slow..painful process...up next is the medical narsum..and of course its with a doctor that neither one of us really likes so hopefully its not to bad of a time..and then hopefully by Aug his packet will be shipped off to Ft Lewis Washington..and then everything is completely out of our hands..


Robert Update~

So Robert is up in Ohio for a bit..he got very lucky and got an amazing job offer working with his Uncle Russ so he'll be doing some serious manual labor and working his butt off but he'll make really good money and will have his "fan club" of 2 very cute little girls to follow him around...since he'll be staying with them for the time being..


Kristi Update~

So Kristi Anne is working this summer..between saving her money for a car but she's getting to go to California for a week with a friend of hers and her family so its gonna be kind of weird this will be the 1st time in almost 8yrs John and I'll be alone...Kristi is finding herself being hit on more and more and she's actually got a clever comeback line to the soldiers that want to take her out...she just tells them she has a boyfriend and she's 3 mos pregnant(she's NOT)...LOL...that makes the soldiers run for the hills...gotta love my kid 

And that right now is how life in our household is working...I have frg stuff to work on next week...so sitting down for more then a few mins lately is a wonderful break...

Everyone have a good day~

Thursday...what a day

So yesterday was a pretty cool day for me..Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was on Fort Riley...we had a town hall meeting with him and about 100 other wives & FRSA's..and I got to ask him a question and got a pretty decent answer so that more then made my day..we also were informed that Ft Riley was getting funding for 2 new schools and funds to revamp another school which we so desperately need on our post...

Then Kristi Anne and I went and did some shopping which is always dangerous for us..got some pretty good deals so that just makes the day better lol...and had dinner at McAllister's Deli since that is our place to eat...

Today is another pretty hectic day for us..have to take Robert to the doctors for his last appt here on Ft Riley before he heads off to school way up north..John has a case management appt and just the general running around I always do...so in between running around..cleaning and packing its just another day in the Moates' household...

Changes...

So this weekend has been full of huge life altering changes...

Kristi Anne is no longer a little girl..she is now 17yrs old and on her way to being a woman which scares the snot out of me to think about that fact...I remember the moment she was born and how small and delicate she was...now looking back at all the time I've gotten blessed to watch her grow up it makes me sad to think eventually she will go off to college and have a family of her own one day...*sigh* I wish I could turn back time for just a moment to see her as she was when she 2yrs old..so innocent..

Robert is no longer a high schooler...he's graduated and is moving on with his life...I have to admit these were some very trying years with him...he's diffently his own person and is very hard headed and opinionated about things..wonder he gets that from :-)...Robert has decided that school is going to be the best option for himself...so he's going to be leaving us soon to go on to higher learning which cracks me up since the entire time he was in high school he HATED school..I'm talking with a passion but hopefully as he matures and realizes that his parent's aren't that stupid he'll remember all the lessons we tried to enstill in him...*fingers crossed*...

I'm not sure I'm ready to see my babies turn into adults...it seems to have happened over night..there are plenty of times that I would love to go back to a memory and relive that moment over and over but I am so very excited to watch them grow into adulthood and hope that John and I have done our best to make sure they are going to be great adults...its been a long and tiring road sometimes but its also had its rewards...so this weekend has been marked by some amazing highs and a few sad moments for me and John when we remember back 7 yrs ago to a 10yr old little girl and a 12 yr old boy and now they're not those ages anymore...I remember the moments when each of them were placed in my arms for the first time...March 16, 1992 and May 14, 1994. I love my children so very much and I am so thankful for them..through a lot of ups and downs and sleepless nights...this song is for Robert and Kristi...we love you both so very much!

It won't be like this for long

It won't be like this for long
By Darius Rucker
He didnt have to wake up
He'd been up all nite
Lay'n there in bed listen'n
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laugh'n
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It wont be like this for long

Four years later bout four thirty
She's crawling in there bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now dont you worry
This will only last a week or two

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll drop her off
And she wont even know your gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It wont be like this for long

One day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times you'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the isle
And he'll raise her vale
But right now she up and cry'n
And the truth is that he dont mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watch'n her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It wont be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
He's try'n to hold on
It wont be like this for long
It wont be like this for long

What a week...

This week has been pretty crazy...full of highs and lows...between doctors appts and getting a senior ready to move on to the next chapter in his life...and preparing for our daughter to turn 17 its just been a lot...

Tuesday I went with our WTB FRSA to the IACH(Irwin Army Hospital) health advisory team meeting to discuss getting a team together to go speak to FRG's about the signs of PTSD/TBI's and where to find the support and help the spouses need to deal with this...it was kind of nerve racking to speak to people that have never had to deal with this and really it doesn't effect them...but in the end I think we got them on our side of thinking and they have agreed that this is an issue that needs to be addressed so I'm excited to this venture to start..I do know I want to get involved with them and find out about the training...so I can go be apart of the group. I think this is a huge step for Ft Riley to acknowledge the severity of these 2 brain injuries and hopefully will help fight the stigma.

Yesterday we had John's PTSD/mental health eval at the VA..talk about 2 of the longest hours ever imaginable..some of it wasn't to bad but then there were other times when he was describing in details what he had experianced on his deployments it got bad for him..I learned a bit more yesterday about my husband and what he's gone through since like most military wives we don't know the full extent of what our guys have gone through while deployed.

Today is yet another busy day for us...John got selected to talk to the IG about issues at the WTB so hopefully with our new commander certain issues can be fixed..not saying that ALL of the WTB is bad just like every unit there are the bad apples that seem to be there to just get the extra money and think they're the greatest thing to hit a WTB ever...LOL...

I get to work on a couple new projects with our FRSA..one I'm super excited about is almost like an "Adopt a Warrior" program..we're gonna get with the local VFW's and kind of pair up a warrior and an older vet and hopefully have them meet up once a week for lunch..coffee..whatever...I know guys like John can't tolerate large crowds so maybe a one on one meeting will work better and it'll help the older vets feel needed and apart of the healing process. And then we're also working on a caregivers day for our WTB spouses at Worlds of Fun so hopefully that'll shape up so caregivers like me can have a small break from our warriors...

This weekend is going to be kind of rough...Kristi Anne turns 17yr old on Saturday and Robert is done with high school...my babies aren't so little anymore...wish there was a way to go back to when they were little...and cute and not obnoxious teenagers..but can't change it so on to a new chapter of life...Robert should be leaving for school in a couple weeks depending on a few factors he'll be local so we can still torture..err..visit him and Kristi Anne will be working almost all summer...

What a week already...I need a vacation :-)

Mother's Day...

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful caring moms out there..to the biological moms, the step-moms, the soon-to-be moms the foster moms...the moms who were/are adopted by the kids...and the mom's of the 4 legged furbabies...hope you ladies have an amazing day...an old Irish Blessing for all the mothers in the world...

May your joys be as bright as the morning,

And your sorrows merely be shadows that fade,

In the sunlight of love.

May you have enough

happiness to keep you sweet.

Enough trials to keep you strong.

Enough sorrows to keep you human.

Enough hope to keep you happy.

Enough failure to keep you humble.

Enough success to keep you eager.

Enough friends to give you comfort.

Enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness.

Enough wealth to meet your needs.

And one thing more: enough

determination to make each day a more wonderful day

than the day before.

Life as we know it...

I can't believe another week is done...sometimes I wish I could just stop time and relive a good day everyday. This week has had its up and downs like every week here. Hubby got told he's gonna need some sort of surgery on his spine(yeah Army)...either a very invasive surgery that involves deflatting the lung and going in and doing a lot of cutting or something that involves almost like an internal TENS unit which seems like the best option for him..and it comes with a remote control so I can shock him whenever I want...bawahahahahahaha..err....ok

Robert is done to his last week of school before graduation and then off to who knows what..he doesn't seem to know what he wants to be when he grows up...hopefully he can stop making bonehead decisions and grow up a bit and then he'll be doing so much better!

The weather here has been beautiful this week..minus a thunderstorm last night which of course had hubby freakin out for a bit which in turned messed with my sleep..blah! And today is the NAMI walk for mental health, super excited about this..hopefully Family of a Vet can start educating people about the effects of PTSD and getting the stigma associated with it to slowly go away..so off to Topeka I go this morning to sit with Stephanie to hand out info and talk to people..YEAH us! I'll post pictures about it later today..

After the walk it'll be a long drive back home and then we start working on pitching more junk...how on earth did we accumlate so much junk?? ARG!! But we're making a dent in the stuff...I hope...well think...who knows!

He's dead...now what??

So I've decided to really not write about the death of bin Laden...simply because that man has taken up 10yrs + of the news, the lives, and the deaths of to many Americans(both Military and Civilians) along with thousands of innocent people around the world and he doesn't deserve anymore attention...he's dead

What I worry about the most is the ones that are coming up..the ones that feel its their duty to step up and take his place...the ones that feel that they must retaliate against the US and cause more death, destruction and terror. They are the ones we have to worry about..the unknown is worse then knowing your enemy and right now we are in the unknown.

And as long as our country isn't unified we will always fall back into the sense of feeling we're "safe"...we as a country are no longer safe...most people seem to forget that almost 10yrs ago we were attacked and had 3000 innocent men, women and children murdered on our own soil...and yet people complain about having to not carry their shampoo bottles on to planes, complaining about the extra screening at the airports...let me ask you would you rather go through all that or go through another horrible terrorist attack where more people could end up murdered? I think the other is the lesser of the 2 evils...

We allow ourselves to be fall into a false sense of security and this time is no exception...do we think that bringing our troops home will stop the terrorist? Not really what has happened has given them the opportunity to avenge the death of their fallen leader...and that will eventually happen when we're not prepared and expecting it...now a lot of people can dismiss this as me being paranoid and not sharing in the joy of the recent events and that's fine...yes I am worried about the future and yes I am thinking of worse case scenarios just because I remember 10yrs ago...I have to care of my wounded warrior everyday and I have a very visible sign of the war on terrorism.

I hope and pray I am wrong and that the rest of the Al Quada just kind of slinks away into the shadows and stop their terror on the world but given their history I don't see it happen...

But does it really exsist...??

    I belong to a Facebook group for military wives and one "girl" made a comment about how her daddy said "PTSD is just a cowards way of getting out living"...and then she went on to state that her husband and his friends had deployed to Iraq in 2010 and came home "fine" so that must mean that people claiming PTSD are faking it and are trying to get out of doing their jobs...

  Well I must thank this girl for opening my eyes to the "truth" about PTSD...here the whole time I was thinking that my husband really had a disability and he was faking it the whole time...REALLY?

  This is the reason most of our vets will not get the help they so desperately need because of the misconceptions surrounding PTSD...yes not everyone will get PTSD, most guys are coming home from the latest deployments to Iraq without PTSD because its a different time and a different place then it was 5yrs ago...or even 3 yrs ago...we aren't hearing about soldiers dying as much in Iraq as we did 3yrs ago. We still hearing about them but instead of multiply deaths weekly we hear about 1 or 2 soldiers losing their lives in that area...what is going on in Afghanistan is what our guys were dealing with in Iraq all those years ago.

  The stigma towards PTSD is still very prevalent in the military among the Chain of Command and the soldiers themselves...its almost like their view PTSD as a contagious disease that they can "catch" or being around a comrade that has PTSD is making them weak...I've seen that first hand with my husband...and his former friends and Chain of Command..my husband was a "Good soldier" and a "Good NCO" all his NCOER's reflected that, he had Top Squad in the company and at one point the Battalion. Til the ugly head of PTSD decided she needed to show up...and that's when we found out how quickly people can turn their backs on you...but that's neither here nor there anymore for us...we've managed to move on with our lives and look towards a future without the Army...

  But wait I move off my subject...since according to this 1 person and her family PTSD doesn't exists how can so many men and women have it..is it a mass group of people defrauding the government...its a conspiracy to make the world feel sorry for them..yea that's it..the 100,000 + people that are coming back from deployments are faking it to get sympathy from complete strangers...WOW that's a lot of people to organize...*shakes my head* some people have no concept of how completely ignorant they sound...thank you for showing me the errors in my way there wise person from Facebook without your "knowledge" of PTSD I would still be living a life of complete fakery(made up Heather word)...*Laughing*

http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2011/03/14/ptsd-spirituality-the-first-big-lie-is-ptsd-does-not-exist/

Suicide...

For many that don't know a war widow recently took her life...she fought a battle of trying to raise her children and move on with life without her soul mate...and that battle was just to much for her...people will judge her, call her selfish, and a bad mother...but really we have no idea what she was feeling, how the hopelessness of her life had consumed her. She was a person that had loved and lost. Her battle was to hard for her to do it alone....

I can from my experience share a bit because I did try to end my life...looking back at it, its still hard to feel the depth of pain and total darkness in my life. Its like having a cold vise around your heart, your body.Most people assume that I wasn't thinking about my kids, my husband, my life..and that's not true. I was thinking about them..in a small part of my brain I was but the pain was so horrible it felt like my entire body was falling down a pit and I couldn't stop it...I would claw at the walls and still slip. I had dealt with so much(deployments, divorces, kids, death) so there wasn't just 1 thing that drew me to that edge it was a lot of little things compounded on me and I just couldn't handle it anymore...I just wanted to sleep..to forget the life, the world, the pain...people can judge me and that's their business they have never walked a mile in my shoes, they've never dealt with what I've dealt with...I tried to live life like it was normal..I didn't show any outward signs, I didn't do what a "typical" suicidal person does, I didn't give my belongings away, I didn't cut off friends, I didn't do any of that..I just stopped caring..I just wanted the pain to stop.


I swallowed a bottle of pain meds, I think it was flexerall, I went into the living room, curled up on the couch and started to sleep but then a small piece of my brain screamed at me and reminded me I have a family, I have kids that need me...and I did reach out and had a friend call 911...I remember my house being full of EMT's, fireman, and Mp's and I remember them trying to talk to me and I remember trying to answer them but I couldn't...the next memory I have was being in the ER having charcoal forced down my throat and a nurse attempting to put an IV into my hand...and then I was back asleep. I woke up to see my friend Amie being at the ER with me and I remember her fussing at me(gotta love Amie) and I remember being transported to another hospital and there I slept for about 24hrs trying to get the rest of the drugs out of my system..I spent a week in the hospital trying to regain myself...the person I had lost. She's still not completely back but she's getting there...people can say that they would know to get help and they would know they'd never try suicide but til you are in that position you can't say what you would do...I know I can't ever judge a person that has committed suicide...because I've been there in their spot, I've felt hopeless and cold...


For Service members and family and Veterans
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1.800.273.TALK (8255)

The Memory Game...

I remember being little and playing memory all the time...loved that game because my memory was pretty freakin good...and still is...hell when I have to keep 3 people's schedules organized to include work schedules, doc appts and everything else I rock...LOL

Now lets turn over to the guy that lives in the house with me..his memory is freakin horrible..and continues to get worse, which has its advantage (lol)...no but really...in the past 4 days now he's locked his keys in his truck while they're in the ignition which ok everyone does but this last time he actually locked his keys in the truck while the truck was running...ugh..thank goodness for roadside assistance because they've been life savers...getting to know the tow truck driver pretty well...lol. The part that is worrying me is that he doesn't remember even starting the truck...so have to get with his TBI doc for another MRI..to check out the memory lobes of his brain to see the changes...kind of worried about this appt...

Its also to the point where I give him his meds, because he can't remember if he's taken them..he doesn't remember having conversations with people, he can't remember certain basic things...ugh...wish this wasn't happening to him..

Another Hero Lost (song)

Everyone says there's a song that inspires them, makes them think about life, whatever...well I asked hubby what song(s) made him feel or think and this was the song he thought of...among many but for his this song has a very special place because of his friends that he's lost during the past 10yrs of a very long war...sometimes it takes something small, like a song, to impact a person and sometimes it takes something as massive as a war to impact a person...and for our life its the impact of both a song and war that has made its effects known in our life. Our lives are our lives...we choose to live it the best we can and to deal with the little and big issues that come through each day. We can honor those that have lost their lives by living each day, by remembering them and their impact on our lives...

The band is Shadows Fall and the song is called Another Hero Lost...


I'll never leave you
But fate has come to silence me
Darkness is all that I see
I cannot reach you
And soon the earth will cover me
It's become so hard to breathe

Forever is waiting
The final steps you're taking
Will soon be buried in the sand

All of the battles
They say we won
They leave another thousand lives undone
Another thousand lives [undone]

Forever is waiting
The final steps you're taking
Will soon be buried in the sand

You're gone but not forgot
Another hero lost
The sorrow builds with every passing
All the lessons that you taught
And all the light you brought
It's all in the eyes of your son

[No words]

Forever is waiting
The final steps you're taking
Will soon be buried in the sand

You're gone but not forgot
Another hero lost
The sorrow builds with every passing
All the lessons that you taught
And all the light you brought
It's all in the eyes of your son

The Military wife survery...

Did this because I can't think of much to write today :-)



1. How long have you been a military wife? almost 7yrs

2. What branch of service is your husband? Army

3. Active/Reserve? Active Duty

4. What is his job? he's a Wounded Warrior...or a Warrior in Transtion

5. How many deployments have you gone through? He's gone through 3...we've been through 2 together

6. Camo or Dress uniforms on your man?  I wish they hadn't gotten rid of the BDU's...but I like my husband in civilian clothes

7. What do you like about being a military wife?  meeting all sorts of people...I love getting to know people and learning new things

8. Do you live on base?  Yes we do...

9. What is your favorite base so far? I miss Ft Stewart...homesick most days..my family is all there...and I miss being close to the beaches and seafood...

10. What is the hardest part of the military life? Trying to be an advocate for my husband...

11. Do you go to the grocery store or Commissary? I shop at the commissary right now due to the fact the closest nice grocery store is about 20 mins away...

12. Do you work or stay at home? Well...I work parttime when I can, I also work as far as going with hubby to all his doc appts, I drive him to his appts, I cook, clean, take care of the house, the bills, so I guess I'm, both right now.

13. Do you have a lot of military wife friends?Not really...most of my military friends kind of dropped me once John became a Wounded Warrior..

14. Do you prefer Walmart or the BX/PX/NEX/MCX? Walmart but I hate driving into town to get there...

15. How did your husband propose? he was very sweet and very nervous..he said he knew he wanted to marry me after 3 mos of dating...

16. Did you marry him after he joined or before?  LOL...he was in when we met...got out while we were engaged...and rejoined right after we got married...

17. How long have you been together? almost 8yrs :-)...we'll be married 7yr in Nov

18. Any kids?  not together but he loves my kids like his own

19. Any kids yet to come?  no...

20. Is your husband one of those "I am soldier hear me HOOAH" kind of guys?  Hell No! He's one of those "F*ck the Army" guys...the army used and abused him and now trying to screw him over...

21. Have you ever done combatives with your husband? yeppers...he still can kick my butt...but I can give him a black eye

22. How many bases have you lived at? 2

23. If you could change one thing about the military? how disable vets are treated...and to get rid of the stigma of PTSD...I loathe that people assume that people with PTSD are faking...that pisses me off

24. Do you like military balls? meh...they're ok but I won't go out of my way to go to one if John doesn't have to...

25. Where does your family live? His family is in South Carolina...mine is in Georgia, North Carolina, Ohio

26. What do you do for a job? I am a subsitute para, fulltime caregiver, fulltime advocate, mom, taxi driver, maid, nurse, cook, and whatever else life wants to throw at me

27. Have you ever gotten in a fight with an NCO's wife? Ummmm no...now an officer's wife YES

28. Name one thing you do when your husband is gone? keep busy

29. Do you think other wives do that too? I'm sure they do in someway or another...some not in a good way though...

The Grass...

So we have this patch of yard that has been trampled by the 3 dogs...all the grass is gone...and there is nothing but dirt and god forbid when it rains or snow melt it turns into a HUGE mud wrestling pit for the girls and 3 dogs in and out all day does wonders on my floors with the mud...well a couple weeks ago we decided we're gonna plant grass seeds and hope for the best...so off to Home Depot we went and got grass seeds..a plastic web fencing thing thats great to keep deer out but not Great Danes and some stakes to keep the fencing in a spot..and we planted

We monitored the seeds..kept the dogs away from the area(not a small task)...watered the mudhole to help the seeds grow...dealt with birds stealing the seeds..and wind(gotta love 40+mph wind)..


Well a couple days ago I noticed we have GRASS!!
Woohoo...and then this morning I noticed we have several patches of grass...super excited...

Hopefully we won't have to resort to sneaking down to the new housing unit and pulling a Fun with Dick and Jane scene..ya know taking the butcher knife to the lawns and cutting out patches...LOL

That'll be us next...na not really...though ya know with the whole crazy husband thing he could get away with it..hee hee


Anyways off to do some more yard work today and hit the commissary to get food for the family...everyone have an amazing day