Friday, December 16, 2011

Where do I fit in?

Have you ever felt that there is no place for you in the world? Like you just don't fit in anywhere...I've been feeling that way for years. Where do I fit in with society, which my family and even my friends.

I hate the looks of pity I get from people when they find out that the husband is injured and the looks I get when they find out he has PTSD. It seems that PTSD has made me out of place with everyone. If he was missing a limb it would be different we wouldn't be given those looks or comments because then that justifies to people that he was injured and there for its understandable for him to have PTSD or even depression. Now let me say that I would never ever wish bodily harm on anyone, we know guys that have lost limbs and they are amazing men who have overcome their losses and keep improving themselves and the world around them.

Somehow PTSD has defined who we we live our lives and how we interact with people. PTSD has made me question my own self worth because I don't feel like I fit in anywhere..I can't just pick up and go somewhere for a few hours without worrying and making sure that everything back home is fine..I can't feel like its OK to enjoy some down time because I worry and then usually something does the people I once considered friends have long since abandoned me and the few people that have stuck with through this have a hard time understanding my life at times and I don't blame them.

I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror anymore..she is a shell of a person that has long been gone, this person I see now is consumed by PTSD and the effects it has on not only herself but her entire family. I really hate that I don't belong anywhere...and I don't fit in with society and the normalcy of life...

1 comment:

  1. I can so relate to this...I tell Steve all the time I'm even uncomfortable around other people because our conversations and lives are so different. I am to the point where I'm feeling so out of touch I wonder if the conversations I'm carrying on with people are even appropriate sometimes....because lately people tend to look at me like I have 3 eyes....the only place I feel like I 100% fit in is the PTSD message boards.