Some days it doesn't seem like I'm alone because I'm running around taking care of everyone and everything but when I have a moment to sit down and look at my life...I am totally alone.
Living a life ruled by PTSD is a very lonely life...not because of anything that people do but because 99% of the population doesn't understand PTSD...living a life that has PTSD in it is very hard. Its not something done on purpose on our part or anyone else but we isolate ourselves due to the fear of ridicule/misunderstanding or a PTSD meltdown so we draw into ourselves to protect not only us but the world around us.
Walking through a store, mall or where ever we are surrounded by people that greet each other, chat with their friends in the middle of isles and we're just trying to side step their conversations to get the husband home before something happens because of the anxiety level heightens each minute he is stationary.
These are the days when I hate PTSD the most...I would love to be able to go out and socialize with other people, to take my husband out and not have to worry about the what ifs...these are the days when I want to curl up in a ball and cry for a week because I am totally alone in this life.
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