Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I forget....

Some days I forget that I have a good life...

the days when everything feels like it's going to crush me and I can't breathe are the days I need to remind myself that life is good...the past week has been extremely rough on not only me but the husband...we hit a huge milestone for him in the fact that he celebrated the 10yr anniversary of the invasion and that stirred a lot of memories that I don't think even now he's ready to face.

Unfortunately it also stirred a lot of memories in me of almost 10yrs of putting up with PTSD and a TBI...the effects that have had on my husband and our marriage..and I felt myself becoming angry all the time..living this life is nothing I would wish on anyone...let me state ANYONE! We have had to struggle to find ourselves in the turmoil of PTSD...we've lost our marriage a few times, we lost sight of each other and there have been a few moments when walking away seemed so much easier than fighting anymore.

This past week made me step back and look at how much hurt and pride I've had to swallow because I knew that what my husband was saying and doing wasn't totally him...in 9yrs of marriage you can say some pretty harsh things and do some pretty stupid things..but in 9yrs one person does become beat down, angry and extremely hurt. I love my husband...I love the man he was when we first met and the man he is now, sometimes I don't like that man but I do love him.

We aren't a statistic...we are a couple who found each other in the midst of craziness...we fight, we love, we get hurt and we hurt back...but in the end of the day when the house is quiet and I hear him breathing while he sleeps I know that my life is good because at the end of the day I still have him.

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