This has been a pretty long few weeks...we all face the unknown everyday and I guess its all about how we look into that unknown that shapes our lives...somedays the fear of not knowing whats coming around the corner is pretty scary. Between my oldest going to another state to work and live and not being able to protect him from the world to my daughter going to California for a week without me and me not being able to make sure she takes her phone, watches out for weirdos and all the other mom of teenage girl fears...
Plus as the time moves closer to John's packet being reviewed and sent out to some nameless, faceless strangers my nerves are getting the better of me...it seems we've been fighting to get him here and now the thought of people that don't even know us..or our daily struggles will decide how much money he "deserves"...
The stress and worry about how we'll make it through life is been slowly getting to me...how are we gonna afford a house payment...food...bills...and everything else...I worry about John finding his way in a civilian life that has idea how the life of an injured soldier works...I worry about how the stigma of PTSD will effect him everyday and how people will react towards him when he has a bad day...how do I protect him from the world?
The unknown factors of life is a killer...and the fact that I have no control of our life right now is kicking my ass.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
A safe place
I think we all have that one special place that we can go to just to feel better...either in our mind or in a physical place. And its just a place that we don't have to share with anyone if we don't want to...
I have several places that are my safe spots...a few of them are on line and the other is a physical place here on post. When ever I'm stressed or upset I head straight to the outdoor chapel...just to sit up there and to see just how beautiful life can be. Up there you can see for at least a mile in either direction you can see the woods, the Flint Hills and the beauty of the world. I go up there to be reminded that life is beautiful and that through everything life goes on. I know through each step of life there are going to be moments when I needed to be reminded that there are going to be storms and events that I can't change or stop but to see the natural beauty of this world is a reminded that we all have our battles to deal with.
I know that having gone through what we've gone through has made a profound effect on who we are as people...some good and sometimes not so good. I have turned more cynical with the military and the process that is used to "help" soldiers and I have been able to rely on people more when I need help especially when I know I can't do it alone.
I know there is a plan for us...just don't know what it is right now and I'm sure I won't know for awhile...everyonce in awhile a glimps would be nice but I guess I won't push my luck.
I have several places that are my safe spots...a few of them are on line and the other is a physical place here on post. When ever I'm stressed or upset I head straight to the outdoor chapel...just to sit up there and to see just how beautiful life can be. Up there you can see for at least a mile in either direction you can see the woods, the Flint Hills and the beauty of the world. I go up there to be reminded that life is beautiful and that through everything life goes on. I know through each step of life there are going to be moments when I needed to be reminded that there are going to be storms and events that I can't change or stop but to see the natural beauty of this world is a reminded that we all have our battles to deal with.
I know that having gone through what we've gone through has made a profound effect on who we are as people...some good and sometimes not so good. I have turned more cynical with the military and the process that is used to "help" soldiers and I have been able to rely on people more when I need help especially when I know I can't do it alone.
I know there is a plan for us...just don't know what it is right now and I'm sure I won't know for awhile...everyonce in awhile a glimps would be nice but I guess I won't push my luck.
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