The Military wife survery...

Did this because I can't think of much to write today :-)



1. How long have you been a military wife? almost 7yrs

2. What branch of service is your husband? Army

3. Active/Reserve? Active Duty

4. What is his job? he's a Wounded Warrior...or a Warrior in Transtion

5. How many deployments have you gone through? He's gone through 3...we've been through 2 together

6. Camo or Dress uniforms on your man?  I wish they hadn't gotten rid of the BDU's...but I like my husband in civilian clothes

7. What do you like about being a military wife?  meeting all sorts of people...I love getting to know people and learning new things

8. Do you live on base?  Yes we do...

9. What is your favorite base so far? I miss Ft Stewart...homesick most days..my family is all there...and I miss being close to the beaches and seafood...

10. What is the hardest part of the military life? Trying to be an advocate for my husband...

11. Do you go to the grocery store or Commissary? I shop at the commissary right now due to the fact the closest nice grocery store is about 20 mins away...

12. Do you work or stay at home? Well...I work parttime when I can, I also work as far as going with hubby to all his doc appts, I drive him to his appts, I cook, clean, take care of the house, the bills, so I guess I'm, both right now.

13. Do you have a lot of military wife friends?Not really...most of my military friends kind of dropped me once John became a Wounded Warrior..

14. Do you prefer Walmart or the BX/PX/NEX/MCX? Walmart but I hate driving into town to get there...

15. How did your husband propose? he was very sweet and very nervous..he said he knew he wanted to marry me after 3 mos of dating...

16. Did you marry him after he joined or before?  LOL...he was in when we met...got out while we were engaged...and rejoined right after we got married...

17. How long have you been together? almost 8yrs :-)...we'll be married 7yr in Nov

18. Any kids?  not together but he loves my kids like his own

19. Any kids yet to come?  no...

20. Is your husband one of those "I am soldier hear me HOOAH" kind of guys?  Hell No! He's one of those "F*ck the Army" guys...the army used and abused him and now trying to screw him over...

21. Have you ever done combatives with your husband? yeppers...he still can kick my butt...but I can give him a black eye

22. How many bases have you lived at? 2

23. If you could change one thing about the military? how disable vets are treated...and to get rid of the stigma of PTSD...I loathe that people assume that people with PTSD are faking...that pisses me off

24. Do you like military balls? meh...they're ok but I won't go out of my way to go to one if John doesn't have to...

25. Where does your family live? His family is in South Carolina...mine is in Georgia, North Carolina, Ohio

26. What do you do for a job? I am a subsitute para, fulltime caregiver, fulltime advocate, mom, taxi driver, maid, nurse, cook, and whatever else life wants to throw at me

27. Have you ever gotten in a fight with an NCO's wife? Ummmm no...now an officer's wife YES

28. Name one thing you do when your husband is gone? keep busy

29. Do you think other wives do that too? I'm sure they do in someway or another...some not in a good way though...

The Grass...

So we have this patch of yard that has been trampled by the 3 dogs...all the grass is gone...and there is nothing but dirt and god forbid when it rains or snow melt it turns into a HUGE mud wrestling pit for the girls and 3 dogs in and out all day does wonders on my floors with the mud...well a couple weeks ago we decided we're gonna plant grass seeds and hope for the best...so off to Home Depot we went and got grass seeds..a plastic web fencing thing thats great to keep deer out but not Great Danes and some stakes to keep the fencing in a spot..and we planted

We monitored the seeds..kept the dogs away from the area(not a small task)...watered the mudhole to help the seeds grow...dealt with birds stealing the seeds..and wind(gotta love 40+mph wind)..


Well a couple days ago I noticed we have GRASS!!
Woohoo...and then this morning I noticed we have several patches of grass...super excited...

Hopefully we won't have to resort to sneaking down to the new housing unit and pulling a Fun with Dick and Jane scene..ya know taking the butcher knife to the lawns and cutting out patches...LOL

That'll be us next...na not really...though ya know with the whole crazy husband thing he could get away with it..hee hee


Anyways off to do some more yard work today and hit the commissary to get food for the family...everyone have an amazing day

Just feeling...

kind of blah today...and a bit like life is passing by me and yes forgotten. Since John's injuries continually got worse and I made the decision to quit work full time to take care of him it feels like life is speeding by me and everyone around me has moved on and I'm stuck in one point of life. I understand its easier to ignore me by most people because I am a reminder of something no one wants to deal with...my husband is a reminder to people of a stigma that most soldiers and families don't want to deal with or acknowledge. And I get that...if it wasn't my life and I wasn't living it I'm sure I'd be avoiding someone like me also...I can honestly say it hurts like hell...

I do know I'm not alone in the world especially when the its announces that a 100,000 + soldiers are coming home from deployments with PTSD and thousands others are injured. I still feel alone...its like standing in a crowded room and you're screaming for someone to look at you...to see that you're in pain and you're hurting and they keep on walking by...afraid to look you in the eye because that makes them notice someone else...to be drawn into someone else's pain...and we are so involved in our lives that its hard to do that. And I completely get that...but every once in awhile it would be nice to hear someone say "Hey, you're not alone"....

Makes me wonder though...am I alone?

What a week...

This week has been a pretty steady week..John had to get his epidural shot on Monday and it didn't work his pain is still there and sometimes its worse...*sigh* so our next step is to meet with a Neuro surgeon for possible surgery which makes me nervous since they'll be operating close to his lungs and heart...but hopefully it'll give him relief...that's my biggest hope is that the pain goes away for him...

Tuesday~John got the 1st confirmation letter from the VA letting him know that they got his paperwork started...WOOHOO...it was cracking us up what all reviewing him for..along with the chronic PTSD, back issues and anxiety issues, they're also checking on his TBI, memory loss, sleep issues, heartburn(yes heartburn because of the stress) his headaches, and a few other issues...boy my husband is falling apart. I also subbed on Tuesday to get out of the house for a bit.

Wednesday~ I met with the AW2 coordinator and found out that the original person that was there when John did his intake didn't do her job and had none of his info put in their program and so I got to fill out a lot of paperwork...and bring her his medical records and permanent profile to them...and then we had to go off to Social Security because John can't find his card..so we're sure its floating around in a desert somewhere either in Iraq or Africa..not sure. Oh John got his appt list from the VA..woohoo..for the most part a lot of his appts are here at Irwin but a few are in Topeka so that's not to bad but the price of gas sucks and my Tahoe loves to suck down the gas...

Thursday~ Today I have to meet with my FRSA so we can go over FRG stuff and get some plans in motion to have a potluck next month and a few other things. Get with AW2 (again) so she can go through John's MEB records to get some info and then John has an appt today for yet another referral this one is for going back to the TBI clinic...his memory loss is getting worse and his coordination is off a bit more so that has us both worried.

Along with all this...Kristi is off to Topeka today with the JCHS Concert Band for a band competition...and Robert has all his stuff getting ready for graduation and whatever he's planning on doing after graduation. We're due for a huge thunderstorm sometime today which is gonna make sleeping impossible at my house...all in all it's been a pretty hectic week so far...good thing I absolutely LOVE my family hee hee...and my life :-)

The little things...

So I'm sitting here at 5:53 in the morning...drinking my tea and enjoying the quiet before the day starts...and it got me thinking about all the little things in life that are overlooked each day esp by me because I'm always on the go...sometimes I take for granted this small bit of time in the morning when the dogs are sleeping and the house is nice and quiet.

I also seem to forget to be thankful for days when my husband smiles and laughs...when I see a glimpse of the wonderful man I married almost 7yrs ago...I also forget to be thankful that he's alive...he's here with me and our family...esp when I'm complaining about running around and dealing with appts...and the stress of a TBI, PTSD and his back injuries. I know I absolutely love my husband and even on days when I want to drop kick someone I am so grateful he's home with me.

I see all these young wives dealing with such despair and heartache when their soldiers do not return to them and that breaks my heart. I have followed one extremely amazing wife's very lows and some of her highs since her Marine was KIA on Dec 1,2010...this amazing woman was a newlywed when her world came crashing down around her and yet she's managed to live her life with such class and strength...I am in complete awe of her, her courage to fix life and to keep moving even when she doesn't want to...and I encourage anyone that reads my blog to check hers out...http://katieandchadwade.blogspot.com/ through everything she reminds people to love each other and not to take each other for granted..

So as I write this I know I need to stop taking the little things in my life for granted...my husband's smile and laugh, my kids laughing, the wonderful friends I have in my life..and just life in general...I need to thank Katie Wade for this reminder...because I know on my hardest day when I want to quit and run from life this beautiful amazing woman is facing a life without her soul mate and her heart and she's still doing it with strength and grace.

To steal a quote she has on her page that her husband said I'm gonna finish my blog with this...

"Find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and hold on to with everyone you have" ~Chad Wade

Changes...

Wow I'm having issues today getting started on this blog...we're getting ready to face a LOT of changes in the next few months...so we'll start with the big changes..

1. Robert is graduating in May...he's not joining the Army and has decided to go to college so hopefully he find his nitch in life. He scored a 92 on his ASVAB and could have any job in the Army but plans sometimes don't work out so off to Plan C...college.

2. Kristi Anne is going to be 17 in May also...I can't believe that she's gonna be 17yrs old! She's getting her plans for the next year by taking college prep classes and she now has the goal of working for Pixar as a graphic designer.

3. We met with the VA rep last week to start the VA process of John's MEB. He'll be starting his VA physical and the Comp and Pen. paperwork...which is nerve racking...and a bit of a relief in the fact that things are slowly moving along.


Sometimes I feel like life is out of control..that we're at the mercy of something else besides what we have planned for our lives..I know that with this whole process my control factor doesn't matter and that kind of drives me a bit batty...the only thing I can keep in control is how I look at things and life...I've been trying hard to stay positive not only for myself but for John and the kids...its just kind of weird that 2yrs ago we would of never even thought about an MEB or VA reps or retirement in that scale of life...we had planned on John eventually getting out but most likely not til 20yrs...and I guess a higher power has other plans...

Its strange looking back almost 8yrs when I met John I never thought I'd be in this spot being a fulltime caregiver to him..my husband was always so fit and able to take care of himself...somedays he can still do it but other days the memory loss..the aggervation...the whole process takes it out of him...and I know it takes a lot out of the kids too...we've all started taking a protective stance with John...when we go somewhere we all scan and make sure that we're not only protecting John but the people around because of his triggers...and that makes me sad that my kids have become this way...the only thing I can hope for is that this has taught the kids to be more compassionate and understanding that people can not control things and even if someone doesn't look disabled to look below the skin. We have watched John deterioate in the past 6 1/2 yrs and after each deployment it got worse til the point we're at now...

Ok now on to the positive things of life here...Robert is graduating...WOOHOO...like I said he's not joining the Army but has decided to go to college and get his degree...he'll start out at the small community college here in JC called Barton since they offer free classes to military dependents so thats gonna be a huge help!

Kristi Anne is going to be 17 on May 14th...*sigh* I can't believe how fast time seems to be moving...I remember my chunky cheeked toddler with curly hair...now she's taller then me and straightens out her hair..LOL...

I wish I could stop time just for a bit to enjoy the small moments...but I can't...

Where there is love there is no darkness...

So I found this quote "When there is love there is no darkness"...and it made me realize just how lucky I truly am...my husband is home with me, even in the darkest hours of our life our love makes it easier to see a future...

Our story isn't the one that all fairy tales are based off of..for from it, my husband is not some knight in shining armor that has come to my rescue on a snow white steed to whisk me away from life...my husband is a wonderful, caring and damaged man. He isn't damaged in the sense that you can see his wounds..if you could I'm sure that most people would completely avoid him. My husband tries hard each day to function in what is expected in normal settings which is hard for him since he's not "normal"...most of the world will never have to live their lives the way we do...while families everywhere take for granted a quick trip to Walmart or going to the movies...we have to plan it on quiet days..we don't run out to see the latest movie because of crowds..but then of course most families don't have an injured soldier in their house.

We've turned into "homebodies" in all sense of the word...we do occasionally go out and have dinner or head to Walmart but most of the time its me that goes out into the world alone. I do admit that I get jealous of couples that are walking hand in hand through the stores because I don't get to do that much, I have 1 amazing friend here that will allow me to "kidnap" her so I have someone with me because I get tired of being alone in public.

I've tried hard to not complain about my life..its my life after all. I've known of people that have lost their soldiers and I know I am truly blessed to have my soldier home with me. Sometimes its hard to look at that one fact that he's home when everything else is falling on my shoulders...I carry a huge weight on my shoulders daily but at the end of each day when I look over and see my husband sitting here next to me I know that it's all worth it...I have loved him for 8yrs and each day my love is still there unwavering. So when you sit at home complaining about how your husband/boyfriend didn't take out the trash..or forgot to pick something up from the store remember that he's home and he's safe. And remember those that have their husbands gone..and those of us who's husbands have made the sacrifice of losing a limb, or being injured or the ultimate sacrifice the lives...and give your husband a huge hug and thank him for being himself.